Love and Death Aren't Far Apart
by crazy2696
Summary: After Maes Hughes death, Colonel Roy Mustang is beating himself up about it, leading to a desprete and slightly crazed attempt at suicide, but when Riza intervenes what will happen? Royai!
1. The Funeral

**A/N: I am on an FMA craze, and I am like obsessed with it. So I will be writing FMA related things and this is my first one. This one will have three or four chapters. My friend and I are both doing a story like this, so go check hers out- /u/1560835/Mangarific**

**So, I just love the idea of Roy being Suicidal...I don't know why ok...and so I hope you enjoy it!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA no matter how much I wish it.**

**ROY POV**

The afternoon sky was a perfect cloudless blue. Not a single cloud in sight. The sun shined brightly down onto the ground, a deep contrast to what I was feeling. It seemed impossible for a day like this to exist while it seemed like the world had suddenly come to a painful stop. I balled my fists up, looking down onto the grass, trying desperately to stop the tears from falling. I felt sick to my stomach, the kind that wouldn't go away with time, it was forever stuck, like an unwanted scar.

My right-hand man, and also my dear friend was lying in a grave. And it was my fault. If I had never asked Maes to help me in a most dangerous job, defying the Military. Why, I have no idea and I was seriously regretting it, though Maes had been my best friend through those days in Ishbal, where one could became depressed from all the killing. At least those few who were involved, and regretted each and every kill.

Painfully, I could recall every single face whose live I had taken, the men, the women and even the children. Especially the children. I don't know how long I stood standing there, but a sudden wind came and broke me out of my reverie. The grief that suddenly washed through me was almost uncontrollable and I fought the urge to fall down and start sobbing. I looked over to Riza, she was standing a distance away, giving me my own time to grieve. A sudden tear fell down my face and I squeezed my eyes shut.

I looked away, biting my lip when I felt her soft hand on my shoulder. I shivered, but she felt this and pulled away.

"Sir…" she trailed off. "Sir, it's getting quite late. You need some rest…" she stopped again.

"You're right…it's starting to rain." I mumbled, shaking in my attempt not to break down.

"Yes…" she said, obviously trying to be gentle. She started to walk away and I followed her, side by side.

**RIZA POV**

I looked over to the Colonel, and saw him standing on the edge of the burial site. I looked away and thought about Maes. The annoying, but lovable Hughes who loved to shove his pictures of Elicia in everybody's faces. We all missed him, though you would never catch us saying that before, while he harassed the Colonel or his wife using the military phone lines.

I was worried about the Colonel, I knew he was going to tell himself that he was the cause of Maes' death, though it was out of his control. I looked over to him, but quickly looked away when he caught me staring. I really hoped that he wasn't going to go home and get himself drunk and pass out, or do something stupid.

I walked over to him, and gently placing my hand on his forearm, and said "Sir…", I didn't quite know what to say so I paused. Starting over I said, "Sir, it's getting quite late. You need some rest…" and I stopped, waiting for him to respond.

"You're right…it's starting to rain." He mumbled, shaking a bit. I shot him a quizzical look, but then understood when I saw a lone tear roll down his cheeks. I looked away, feeling awkward and said,

"Yes…",very gently and looked one more time at him and started to walk behind. He started to follow and we walked away from the grievous site, side by side.

**WOW! I actully got it done! Well, anyways. I will post the second chapter sometime soon, I am aiming for tomorrow. I hoped you liked it. Please commment!!! Or criticize, and don't anyone leave those comments that are sooo obvious that they want you to look at there stories too. I hate it when people do that. ROYxRIZA FOREVER!!!!! XD**


	2. Crazy Things can Happen

**A/N: OMG! I had sooo much fun writing this one...I mean I got to make him drunk!!! lol, anyways. I actully got this one up in time, so yeah! Enjoy it. I know I did.**

ROY POV

I slammed the door shut, and stumbled into my bedroom. My vision was blurring and I had a feeling of flying, yet my mind was still clear, lingering on unwanted details. I sat down and started to unbutton my jacket, but my fingers were slipping and my vision was doubling. Finally, I got my jacket off and started to work on my shirt. About halfway I stopped. Something just occurred to me. Why did I bother?

Why did I bother to try, in fact right now it looked very pointless. It seemed to me like my friend just died for nothing. I slumped against the side of my bed, my head pounding. I was really hoping that I was going to pass out in a few seconds, anything to relieve me of my pain. But it seemed as if my plan wasn't working. Other than having a killer hangover in the morning, it seemed like that was it.

Why, was the question, but I couldn't answer it. The whole world was looking very tedious and I realized something I should of realized a long time ago. There was a way out. There was a way for me to escape the miserable pain and the world entirely. And it was very easy. Stumbling back over to where I had carelessly thrown my jacket, I noticed my white gloves. I picked them up, feeling the material that had destroyed so many lives.

Crumpling them, I threw them into a corner with disgust. I would not need them anymore. Digging through my discarded jacket, I found just what I was looking for. Pulling out the gleaming metal, I slowly walked back over to my bed. Sitting down, I looked at the gun. Memories of my victims, not just from my alchemy, but this gun came up very clearly.

I had only ever used it to kill a close opponent, but I distinctly remembered the child who I had made an orphan. I closed my eyes tightly, and a voice suddenly startled me to drop the gun next to my side.

"Sir...?", Riza's soft voice came from behind me. I turned slightly to face her. Her curious, and shocked eyes met mine and at that moment I made my decision. Slowly I picked up the gun and put the muzzle in my mouth. I started to press the trigger when she flew at me, knocking my head sideways and wrenching the gun out of hands and then proceeding to throw it in a corner of my room.

I literally must have been roaring drunk, because I threw her off the bed and into the wall near my desk.

RIZA POV

I was worried about Roy, he seemed so close to the edge, and I just knew that he was going to do something stupid. Either get drunk and passing out, or something equally idiotic. That was probably the reason was I was standing here, at 1:00 in the morning at his door. I wondered if I was making a mistake, but even if he did come to the door yelling at me, my mission would be complete.

I knocked on his door, but nothing. Trying again, he still didn't answer. Now I had some options. Do I kick down the door or…or open it. The handle turned, and slowly opened. That worried me. Was he too drunk to remember to lock his door? Slowly, I walked in and saw a light coming from the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and so I peered in.

He was sitting on his bed, obviously drunk because of the swaying, looking at a gun. He had halfway unbuttoned his shirt and was shaking. Quietly, I walked in. He still seemed to not notice my presence so I said, "Sir…?" He turned to face me and met my eyes with a sad, desperate and slightly crazed look in his eyes. It made my heart stop that he was in so much pain, though getting drunk made me want to slap him.

Without changing his expression, he lifted the gun up to his mouth, but before he could pull the trigger, I threw myself at him. In a drunken state, he threw me against the wall, my head banging against his desk. Slightly dazed, I prepared myself for another attack, but when I tried looking up all I saw was red. Oh, there was blood dripping from my head.

"Oh no! Ri-Riza! I-I'm so sorry…" Roy tried to say, his words blurring up into a jumbled up mess. He tried to help me up, but I ended up helping him balance himself, then headed to the bathroom. After wiping away the blood, the cut looked very small. Meeting his eyes through the mirror, I blushed. "I'm sorry sir…I just couldn't let you…I mean…" I stopped. Lowering my eyes, I tried to move out of the bathroom but Roy caught me.

Gently, he pressed his lips against mine. It was an unimaginable feeling, one I had secretly longed for. His lips, so warm were moving against mine. His arm snaked across my waist, pushing me closer and he whimpered. It was a very pitiful sound, and he sounded so alone. I pulled back to look at him, and he pressed his lips back to mine two more times. When he was done, he seemed to sag into my arms and I stroked his hair.

I kissed him on the cheek and then on his lips and he brought his hands through my hair. I hated to do it but it was late. "Roy…Roy wait." I said breathless as he caught my lips again. I pulled back, "Roy, it's late. You need some sleep. I need some sleep." I said gently, caressing his cheek. He didn't respond but made a move towards the bed. "Wait, do you have anything I could change into?" He looked at me unfocused but curious.

"I am not sleeping in my military outfit." I said, as he lurched towards the dresser. Attempting to give me a shirt, he passed out on the bed. I bit my lip in attempt to not smile, and changed. I inhaled the fabric, and was greeted with a sweet scent. Making Roy more comfortable, I climbed in next to him and fell asleep.

**Ok, so I think the next chapter might have some fluff in it. Maybe, it depends and I don't think I will get it up as fast as I did this chapter. Just one more chapter till it is done. Comment!!!**


	3. The Morning after

**A/N: Finally I got the third and last chapter up, sorry for taking so long. There is a little fluff at the end, just a warning, but it's not bad. I am done with this story so I can work on my other stories. Go check them out!**

ROY POV

I opened my eyes and immediately regretted it. The light was blinding, but I forced my eyes to stay open. Ugh, my head was killing me. Making to get up I then realized that I wasn't the only person in the bed.

"Riza?!" I choked out. What had happened last night? That I had gotten drunk was obvious but what… How and why was she here? Suddenly all the details fell back in a burst of intuition. Maes' funeral, getting drunk and Riza having to stop me from killing myself. I guess trying to drown my sorrows out didn't help at all. Nor did it numb any of the pain. I felt ashamed, for having Riza seeing me in the state I was in, and that I had hurt her.

At that moment Riza woke up, but I couldn't face her. I put my arm over my head and I heard her sit up. She must have been confused, but because she didn't have a hangover it didn't take her long to remember.

"Roy…"she murmured. Hearing her voice brought back our kiss and I blushed, but still didn't move. She gently pulled on my arm, removing it from my face. I turned my head then, and she sighed. I got up, moving till I was parallel with her. She looked at me concerned, and it sickened me. I didn't deserve anyone's sympathy, nevertheless hers. I realized I was crying when a tear fell down my cheek and she brought her hand up to wipe it and I turned my head.

"Don't…" I whispered. She stopped, and one look at her face told me she was confused and hurt. "It's not that I don't want you to…more that I won't let you. I can't have you liking me, you would end up hurt because of me and I don't want that." I said quietly.

"Don't say that. When are you going to realize that you're not the monster you think you are?" she said, a bit angrily. I stared at her incredulous.

"Well, judging by the fact that my friend is lying in a grave, because of me, I would say never. I don't know how you could say that. Of course I am." I said, glaring up at her.

"Don't you realize that it was his choice? He's the one that decided to follow you; you didn't force him into the decision. He knew what he was getting into and yet still he followed you." She said, almost yelling. I sighed; she wasn't going to be persuaded.

A little softer this time, she said, "You can't keep blaming yourself for something that is out of your control. If I may say so, you need to just let it all out; otherwise something like what happened last night will happen again. And I will not allow that." She paused here, taking my hands in hers.

"I can't afford to lose you, it would be unbearable and you wouldn't want Maes to have died in vain, now would you?" she asked. Another tear fell down my cheek, and then another. A wave of grief suddenly washed through me and I was crying. She pulled me into her embrace, holding me next to her. We sat there for about ten minutes until I stopped. I brought my head up slowly, and kissed her on her lips.

It slowly grew more passionate until we were kissing with no restraint. I brought my fingers through her hair, and she tugged at my still halfway unbuttoned shirt. Our tongues slipped together, fighting for dominance. Breaking our kiss, I found my way to her neck and nipped at the soft and smooth skin there. She groaned, arching her body towards me. I brought myself back up to her mouth, and softly kissed her, and we continued on, joining together as one.

Some of the time, well...most of the time actully, I wondered just how I had managed to make Riza fall for me. I could see no quality in myself, worth persuing, yet here she was. I knew that after today, and last night, I could deal with all my regret. As long as she was here, I could continue on living.


End file.
